explosion inside out?

Today's Xmas Eve.
Though it's not our holidays technically...
But we Chinese always celebrate it anyway..
Cuz it's Xmas! Isn't it full of Love, Joy, and family, and great food?  Get along together?
And I should have to say "Merry Xmas" to everyone I've encounter with so much joy & happiness instead of feelling so much frustrated...
Why is that?
Shouldn't I suppose to be positive toward everything because the God's spirit is within me always?
How come this kinds of emotions will find me? For the sake of  my incoming period or not? For the sake of tooo cold weather? For the sake of losing myself? For the sake of missing right person? For the sake of getting weight? For the sake of too much pressure of my job?
For the sake of serious working atmosphere? For the sake of losing direction?
I gonna explode just right here inside my heart! BOOM!
It's so hard to conceal myself, and what really hurts me it's that someone said some bad words behind someones back, and especially whom I liked for quite a while.. and this moment , I just cannot say it out loud that I have feeling toward him. WHY!
I really don't know!!! 
and that moment I even didn't say anything to stand by his side....
I just allow him to say bad words and let someone else to think that all his opinion is all true?  No! It's not gonna be true! I believe he will be someone in the near future!

For the sake of my job,I have to become a problem solver FOR all above sakes.....
               solutions
period: normal for girls...don't have to worry
cold weather:  dancing, clothing,,,, hug tightly
lose myself:  follow the right road always
right person: pray, open-minded, be brave to love
get weight:  dancing, less diet, more exercise, peace
pressure at work: deep breathe, think positively, find helping hands
serious working atmosphere:  positive thinking, take it as normal, find new job
losing direction: pray, goal-oriented, writing, thinking, resting.

I believe truly that writing will make me more specific, because right now at this moment in my small spot of my history... that I know this will be a really small and .
I will forget on one day in the future.
so Here's to encourage myself at this moment.

Let's bake!  unbelievable Yummy Banana cake
Let's dance!   Sexy samba salsa jazz...
Let's love!    Brave to open my heart...
I believe I will feel better...
tomorrow will be better... I  hope!

Merry Xmas to all of you. my beloved friends, families, and of course, someone deep inside me.

in my home town Taipei

Zoe